You don’t even have to be a fan of the epic sitcom Friends to know — and use — some of its best lines. Quotes like “How you doin’?” and “We were on a break!” are so engrained in pop culture at this point, they’ve practically outgrown their original use. But those of us who were around in the 1990s, living Thursday to Thursday for our Must See TV, have a much larger catalog to pull from, and over a decade later, we’re still spitting Friends quotes on a daily basis, even if those around us are none the wiser. Here are 13 Friends quotes for die-hard (DIE HARD!) fans only, and let’s get to it before I get all worked up and start calling everybody bitch.
“This Is All A Moo Point”
In Season 7’s “The One Where Chandler Doesn’t Like Dogs,” Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) is seeking advice on how long to wait to make a move on her assistant Tag after he breaks up with his girlfriend. Joey (Matt LeBlanc) says, “The big question is, does he like you? Because if he doesn’t like you, this is all a moo point.” Joey clearly isn’t familiar with the word “moot,” but his explanation isn’t all that bad: “It’s like a cow’s opinion. It just doesn’t matter. It’s moo.” It’s not just you, Rachel, that might actually sound plausible. And maybe that’s why it’s still a good one to use today. A die-hard Friends fan is likely to substitute the word “moot” for “moo” anytime they have to say something doesn’t matter.
“They Don’t Know That We Know They Know We Know”
When the gang finds out that Monica (Courteney Cox) and Chandler (Matthew Perry) are sleeping together in the Season 5 episode “The One Where Everybody Finds Out,” Phoebe (Lisa Kudrow) and Rachel conspire to trick them into revealing their relationship. Phoebe flirts heavily with Chandler, but when Monica and Chandler figure out they’re being messed with, Chandler flirts back, because “they don’t know that we know that they know!” It becomes a big game of chicken when Phoebe and Rachel figure it out: “They don’t know that we know they know we know.” Whip this phrase out anytime you learn of a secret someone’s keeping, and add as many “they know we knows" as you can keep straight.
“I’m Not Gonna Go Commando In Another Man’s Fatigues”
Friends has often been wrongly credited with originating the term “going commando” to mean not wearing underwear, but there’s little doubt the series had a hand in its popularization. In the Season 2 episode “The One Where No One’s Ready,” Chandler steals Joey’s underwear in an episode-long battle of immaturity, and Joey, who isn’t wearing underwear, insists he needs it back in order to get dressed for Ross’ work event. When Ross (David Schwimmer) suggests Joey just not wear underwear, Joey says, “It’s a rented tux. I’m not gonna go commando in another man’s fatigues.” Anyone can use the phrase “going commando,” but extra die-hard points for using the full quote in a borrowed-clothes situation.
“This Hand Is Your Hand, This Hand Is My Hand”
In Season 5’s “The One in Vegas Part 2,” Joey is working in a Las Vegas casino after his movie is shut down. But not to worry, he’s found his hand twin (guest star Thomas Lennon), and Joey is sure there’s a fortune to be made. Joey ambushes his co-worker in the bathroom, singing, to the tune of This Land Is Your Land, “This hand is your hand. This hand is my hand. Oh wait that’s your hand. No wait it’s my hand.” Admittedly this Friends quote isn’t as easy to throw into everyday conversation, but I guarantee die-hard fans will tell you they’ve found occasion to sing the song.
“What’s Up With Gene?”
In Season 4’s “The One With Rachel’s New Dress,” Chandler becomes upset at the absurdity of his name and says to call him Clint instead. Joey says Chandler's not cool enough to pull off that name, and Phoebe suggests he’s more of a Gene. Chandler insists, “It’s Clint! Clint!” as he angrily retreats to his bedroom, leaving Joey to wonder, “What’s up with Gene?” I love to use this one when someone (like my child) gets frustrated with me because they don’t think I understand what they’re saying.
It’s not sympathy pains for Phoebe being in labor that Joey’s feeling in Season 5’s “The One-Hundredth.” But Joey doesn’t want to accept the doctor's diagnosis of kidney stones. “What else could it be?” Joey asks. “It’s kidney stones.” Joey asks again, and Iqbal Theba gives a hilarious line reading in the way he says, “Kidney stones.” My husband and I used this inflection exclusively when he had kidney stones a few years ago, and it made us laugh during an otherwise terrible experience, so I’m counting this Friends quote a bona fide winner.
“That Is Brand New Information!”
In Season 8’s “The One Where Rachel Tells …,” Ross is telling an already-informed Phoebe and Joey that he and Rachel are going to have a baby. Not wanting Ross to catch on that they know, both Phoebe and Joey over-react to the revelation, with Phoebe crying, “That is brand new information!” This is expertly used by Friends fanatics in everyday conversation as a sarcastic response to someone telling you something you already know.
Monica’s running gag throughout the series was a pretty simple, “I know!” But it’s the shrill, manic delivery of the two words that makes the phrase worth repeating. Monica hit new decibels in the Season 2 episode “The One With Ross’ New Girlfriend,” when Phoebe accidentally cuts Monica’s hair to look like Dudley Moore instead of Demi Moore. Phoebe realizes her mistake and says of Demi Moore, “Oh she’s got gorgeous hair!” and Monica shrieks out the most iconic, “I know!” You can always tell a Friends fan when they bring a little extra excitement to the exclamation.
“Dear God. This Parachute Is A Knapsack!”
A top-notch exchange sealed with great physical comedy, Season 1’s “The One With the Birth,” shows Chandler putting his foot in his mouth with Monica, who is reeling from baby fever. He suggests that, hypothetically, if neither of them are married when they’re 40, they get together and have a baby. Not accepting his attempt at making her feel better, Monica responds, “Why won’t I be married when I’m 40?” Chandler bumbles his way into a corner before throwing himself off the back of a chair and exclaiming, “Dear God. This parachute is a knapsack!” This remains a boss-level way of escaping from a conversation you’re going to lose.
“What’s The Opposite Of Man? Jam!”
In Season 3’s “The One With the Jam,” Monica throws all of her post-Richard-breakup energy into making jam. The beauty of this Friends quote lies in its senselessness. But she’s so spirited and optimistic as she explains her reasoning: “I needed a plan. A plan to get over my man. What’s the opposite of man? Jam!” This stands today as a rallying cry of female empowerment. It’s strong, it’s weird, it just works.
“My Apartment Isn’t There Anymore, Because I Drank It”
In the Season 3 episode “The One Where Chandler Can’t Remember Which Sister,” Chandler gets drunk and kisses one of Joey’s seven sisters. The episode title clues you in to the issue here. The next morning, the gang asks a very hungover Chandler how he’s feeling, and he responds, “Well, my apartment isn’t there anymore, because I drank it.” And if you’ve ever woken up feeling like you might have imbibed the entire world’s supply of alcohol, you understand the perfection of this quote.
“Gum Would Be Perfection”
In the classic episode from Season 1, “The One With The Blackout,” Chandler gets trapped in an ATM vestibule with Victoria’s Secret model Jill Goodacre. Chandler is completely flummoxed by Jill’s presence, and after first turning her down when she offers him a stick of gum, he backtracks with the instantly regrettable, “You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection.” Substitute anything for gum, and this stands as an appropriate way to express your awkwardness when someone offers you something.
“18 Pages — FRONT AND BACK!”
Season 4's, “The One With the Jellyfish” gives us a classic Ross and Rachel fight, as Rachel learns that Ross didn’t read the 18-page reconciliation letter she’d written him before he unknowingly took sole responsibility for their breakup. If only TL;DR existed back in 1997. Ross, of course, blames Rachel for his failure to read the letter: “It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages — front and back!” Handwritten novellas may be a rarity these days, but adding “front and back!” to emphasize the pain of any mind-numbingly long task will always work in the Friends fandom.